Deceptive Hearts...continued

Chapter 3

Seventy-five hours and Warren was still unresponsive. Diana wasn’t too worried about that. She had faith he would awaken and soon. It was the other that kept her pacing the floor at night unable to sleep. Paul had explained it to her that first night. Warren’s spinal injury was much more severe than the head injury. Paul couldn’t guarantee, even with rehabilitation, Warren would ever walk again.

Paul Thompson had always been pessimistic—always looking for the worst-case scenario. She’d always thought it a strange personality quirk for a doctor, so in opposition to Warren’s up beat optimistic outlook. Diana had to believe Warren would eventually fully recover. He’d taught her that. To fully believe something is possible is half the battle.

“Mom, the pancakes are burning.” Robbie bounded into the kitchen sniffing the air.

“Oh blast.” Diana whipped around to the stovetop and flipped the pancake, revealing the blackened underside. She removed it from the pan and dumped it into the garbage, then poured another one on the hot griddle.

“Mom, are you okay?”

“Of course, sweetie.”

“Is Dad okay? Did he wake up?”

 She slid the cooked pancake onto a plate and poured another before turning to him. “Robbie, your Daddy hasn’t awakened yet. He’s in a deep sleep, so that his body can heal. Do you understand?”

“I’m not a baby, Mom. Russell told me all that already. I know Daddy is hurt bad. I prayed for him to wake up, so I could go see him.”

“Ah, Robbie, you miss him, I know. I’m sure he’ll wake up soon. You just have to be patient. Now, come sit down and eat your breakfast.” She placed the new pancake on top the first and put the plate along with butter and syrup on the table in the breakfast nook.

Robbie sat at the table and looked up at her. “Aren’t you and Lily having breakfast?”

“I had some toast earlier and Lily is still sleeping. I’m going to go get dressed. Sarah and Russell should be here any minute. Open the door for them, will you?”

“Sure.” He spoke around a mouthful of pancake.

The phone rang, as Diana walked out of the kitchen and she went back to answer it. “Hello, Franklin residence.”

“Mom?”

“Sarah, what is it, what’s happened?” Diana’s legs went weak and she sat on one of the bar stools at the kitchen island.

“Daddy’s awake.”

“Thank God! I’m coming down right away. How is he—is he talking?”

“He’s good. Mom, he was asking for food.” Sarah laughed.

Diana’s laughter joined her daughters. “Tell him I’m on my way.”

She hung up the phone and looked over at Robbie. “Go tell your sister to get dressed. Daddy’s awake and we’re going to the hospital.”

“Me too?”

“You too.”

Diana hummed happily, as she dressed, pushing the thought of Warren’s spinal injury to the far recesses of her mind. He was awake and alert. He was even hungry. That’s all that mattered.

***

Sarah met them in the lobby. “Oh, Mom, it was so great. Russell was sitting with him and thought sure he saw his fingers move. The nurse thought he was imagining it, but called Dr. Thompson anyway. They were able to remove some of the tubes and wires and then I was able to go in. Daddy looked at me and said, ‘when’s lunch?’ I just started laughing.”

Diana hugged her and Lily asked. “Why didn’t you call us right away?”

“I called as soon as I was certain he was awake and Russell hadn’t just imagined seeing movement.”

“Humph.”

“Be nice, Lily.” Diana admonished. “Let’s go upstairs and see Daddy.” She draped her arm around Robbie and walked to the elevator.

Sarah stopped them outside the room. “Mom, you go in. Lily and Robbie can wait here with me. Dr. Thompson doesn’t want but one person at a time in there. He thinks it would cause too much excitement.”

“No, Robbie will go in first. Go on, honey. Go visit with your Daddy for a little. Lily and I can wait.”

“But, Mom…I.”

“Hush now Lily. We can wait.”

“All right, go ahead, Rob.” She went to one of the chairs and sat, a sullen expression on her face.

Robbie went in the room and Diana sat next to her daughter. “Lily, your acting like a child and you are not a child, but Robbie is. You’ve seen your father every day. Robbie hasn’t seen him since before the accident. He needs to see that his Daddy is awake. Can’t you understand that?”

Lily looked at her. Of course she understood. She had no idea why she was acting the way she was. It was selfish and it was childish. Maybe deep down inside, she too needed the reassurance of seeing Daddy was awake. When she’d seen him lying there hooked to all those machines, she’d never been more afraid. Every time she lay down to try and sleep, that image crept out to haunt her. She wanted a new image—Daddy sitting up, talking, joking.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I’ve just been so worried.”

“I know, Sweetheart, but your Daddy’s awake now and everything is going to be all right.”

***

Diana approached the door slowly. It was only three days before Christmas and Paul had given them the good news. Warren could come home and with time and therapy, there was a good chance he’d recover full use of his legs. She hesitated to go in. Warren wasn’t the same since the accident. With the children he was always happy, joking, as if he were determined to alleviate their worry, but became quiet and brooding whenever they were alone.

She plastered a bright smile on her face and opened the door. “Good morning, Darling. I just spoke to Paul and he said you could definitely come home today. I’ve moved our room downstairs and made arrangements with the rehabilitation center for in home sessions. As soon as you’re stronger we’ll get the equipment you’ll need and have it set up in the office.”

He remained silent. “What’s wrong, Warren. I thought you’d be pleased. The children are excited you’ll be home for Christmas.”

“Only for Christmas, Diana, and only for the sake of the kids.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m not staying. I’ll come home for Christmas, then I’m going to the center.”

“But Paul explained you’d progress just as well at home and going to the center wasn’t necessary.”

“I’ll not have you wearing yourself out taking care of me.”

“I won’t be. An aide will come everyday to help with all that. What’s the real problem, Warren? You’ve been distant since the accident.”

“Lets stop fooling ourselves. The accident made me realize how many years we’ve wasted. You’ve been trapped in a marriage to a man you don’t love for twenty-four years. It’s time to stop it. It’s like beating a dead horse to make it move. I think it’s safe to say this horse is not moving.”

“What’s all this about dead horses? I don’t understand. We have a wonderful marriage—three beautiful children and a grandchild about to be born. You aren’t making any sense.”

“Yes, Diana, I know we have three beautiful children. It was because of Sarah we married in the first place. I fooled myself into thinking you’d forget him. It never happened and I’m tired of the lie we’ve been living. I’ll be moving to the center after Christmas and from there…I don’t know, but you’ll have your freedom.”

“A divorce? God, Warren, I don’t want a divorce.” I love you, have loved you for so long. Why can’t I just say it?

“Well, Dee, want it or not, that’s the way it’s going to be.”

“What about Robbie and the girls? They won’t understand this. Hell, Warren, I don’t understand. I thought we were happy.”

“No, Dee. We were never happy. We settled. I’m not willing to do that any longer. As for the kids, I’ll not abandon them. I’ll be close and they can come see me as often as they want.”

“You’re upset about all this with your legs. That’s understandable, but it’s no reason to throw away our marriage.”

“And what if I never walk again? My God, can’t you understand? It was bad enough living with you all these years knowing your heart was buried in that grave with Justin. I won’t come home and watch your tolerance for me slowly turn to loathing.”

Diana shuddered at mention of Justin. They’d been so careful over the years to not speak of him. “That would never happen. I could never feel anything remotely like that towards you.”

“No, you aren’t the kind to hate anyone, are you, Dee. You’d pity me and smother me with your kindness.” He laughed without humor.

She had to stop this madness—tell him how much she loved him. “No, Warren, you don’t understand. I…”

“Stop it, Diana. My decision is made. I’ve had a month to think about it. We don’t love each other and I may be a silly old man, but I want that. I’ve wanted it for a very long time. The accident served to remind me how fleeting life can be. You’re a passionate woman, Dee. Perhaps you’ll never love anyone again the way you loved Justin. But with your freedom, at least you’ll have a chance. You deserve that chance.”

We don’t love each other. The words beat a wild tattoo in her brain. She’d thought—hoped he loved her. He was telling her he didn’t. She could think of nothing to combat that.

***

Time was rushing by too fast. Diana wanted to hold it back, keep Warren from leaving. The children were so happy over Christmas, more so than usual because of having their daddy home again. For her it had been bittersweet, knowing she was losing him. She’d begged him not to tell them. He’d finally agreed to simply say he was going to the center, feeling he’d progress faster there.

They’d found his plan reasonable—at least the girls had. Sarah’s apartment and Lily’s dorm were in the same neighborhood as Morton’s Rehab Center and they could pop in and see their daddy whenever they wanted. Robbie was a different matter. He must have asked his father a hundred times why he didn’t want to stay at home with them. It broke her heart.

The van from the center was coming this morning and Robbie had stomped out of Warren’s room and into the kitchen. She needed to reassure him, but didn’t know how to do that without lying. Warren wanted a divorce. Every time the thought surfaced, it was like a fist-sized lump lodged in the back of her throat. How was she to tell Robbie everything would be all right? Nothing was right. Their world was crumbling around them and she was powerless to stop it.

Entering the kitchen, she saw him sitting at the breakfast table, big fat teardrops lying on his cheeks. “Robbie, would you like some breakfast?” She forced a cheerful tone into her voice that she was far from feeling.

“No, I’m not hungry.”

“You don’t have to worry about Daddy. I promise to take you over every day to see him.”

“What about when I go back to school?”

“Every day, Robbie. We’ll go right after school, I promise.”

***

Diana had kept her promise, driving Robbie back and forth to the center every day for the past three weeks. Warren was progressing faster than anyone had thought. He was walking with a walker a couple times a day and the doctors seemed to think it wouldn’t be more than a few months until he’d be walking on his own.

She looked ahead at them. They spoke softly together, as Robbie walked along side his father’s wheelchair. The center’s grounds were like a small park with wide concrete paths. They loved coming out here, but Diana felt like an outsider—an intruder into their time together. Warren was always carefully polite to her and Robbie was so excited to be with his daddy, he failed to notice anything wrong. They turned at the corner and came back to her.

“It’s getting colder. Robbie run inside and asked one of the orderlies to bring us some hot cocoa to the atrium. Your mother and I will meet you there.”

“Okay.” He jogged down the path to the wide French doors.

“I need to speak with you, Diana. I want to know if you intend to file or if you’d prefer I do it?”

She stared at the dead remains of the rose bushes. Dead—like our marriage. But the roses will come back to life and beauty come the spring. “I have no intention of filing for a divorce, Warren. If you plan to go ahead with the destruction of our family, you will have to do so without help from me.”

“Surely you don’t have it in mind to fight the divorce.”

“Oh, yes. I will fight it. I know I can’t win—can’t force you to stay married to me, but I can slow down the process considerably.”

“Why would you do that? It will only make it harder on the kids.”

“Tell me, Warren. Do you remember what you said to me the night you convinced me that marrying you would be the right thing?”

“I said all kinds of things that night, Diana. Why bring up the past?”

She looked into his eyes. “You said, ‘I promise I will never abandon you, Dee. Never.’ Those were your exact words.”

He flinched and looked away. “That was then. This is now. I’d think you’d be happy.”

“Oh, yes, Warren. I’m ecstatic to see our twenty-four year marriage end because you had an accident and decided you need more from life. This sounds a lot like male menopause. Do have some young, little hottie hidden away somewhere?”

“Don’t be offensive, Dee. You know damned well, I’ve never been unfaithful.”

“Fine, I’ll stop being offensive when you stop laying all this on my shoulders.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You talk as if I’ve just been waiting for an opportunity to be rid of you—like you’re doing me a favor. Well, get this straight, you can keep your favors. If I hadn’t wanted to be married to you, I’d have divorced you years ago.” Her temper was rising and with it, her voice. She saw one of the aides look their way and stared angrily back at him until he looked away.

“Why can’t you just accept that a divorce is best for both of us?”

“Best for you, not for me. You want to live apart? Do it. You want a divorce? Get one. I won’t lift a finger to make it easier for you. You’d better go in to Robbie now. I’ve had enough of this discussion.”

“Where are you going?”

“Tell Robbie I had to get something at the drugstore down the block. I’ll be back in a little while to get him.” She walked away, back stiff.

He didn’t think he’d ever seen her so angry.

***

Storming down the busy street. Diana tried to control her anger. She’d wanted to hit him. She hadn’t truly wanted to hit anyone since she was five or six years old. A sign prominently displayed in one of the shop windows caught her eyes and she stopped. All cigarettes sold at state minimum, Coffee/Smoking lounge in back. Diana hesitated and then pushed the door open, stopping to inhale the scent of fragrant pipe tobacco on a display near the door. She marched to the counter.

“A pack of cigarettes, something light.”

“What brand, Miss?”

“I don’t care, something light.” She snatched a cute pink lighter from a stand next to the cash register and threw it on the counter. “This too.”

The man gave her a strange look and placed a pack of generic light cigarettes on the counter. “Will that be all?”

“Yes.”

He rang up the order. “That will be Five ninety-eight, please.”

After paying the man, she walked through the store and into the coffee lounge, taking a small table near the back. The place was dimly lit and smoke hung in lazy swirls. On the little stage sat a man with a ponytail, playing a guitar and singing a well-known folk song. Diana had to laugh. It was a flashback to the sixties and reminded her of the place she and Justin frequented in Greenwich Village during the early eighties. God, she’d not thought about that since before Sarah had started kindergarten.

Regardless of what Warren believed, she’d not thought of Justin in all those years either. Ripping the plastic and foil off the top of the cigarette pack, she tapped one out and lit it, immediately rewarded by a fit of coughing.

“Are you all right, ma’am?”

Diana looked up through watery eyes at the young waitress. “Sure, I’m fine. Could you bring me some ice water, please?”

“Is that all?” Diana nodded and the girl flounced off, as though offended she’d not ordered more.

Okay, that’s two people I’ve offended today and I’m sitting here smoking for the first time in over ten years. Warren is adamant about this divorce and if I fight it, the kids will be caught in the middle. Things could get nasty.

She doggedly lit another cigarette. So things will get nasty. It might do the kids good to learn that life isn’t always rosy. It can be damned messy at times. At least for Sarah and Lily it might be good, but Robbie is still too young to be so cruelly disillusioned. God, what will I do?

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